A lot can be learned from earlier generations of women who knew just how to deal with the unwanted attentions of men and handled them with street savvy and good humour.

Since the dawn of recorded time, men and women have been making sexual advances at each other. In twentieth century lingo, any overt move, from the subtlety of a hand slipping from the back of the seat onto a shoulder during a movie date to an actual bodily pounce on the sofa or the front porch swing, the action associated with sexual aggressiveness became known as “Making a Pass”.

There is nothing new in the behaviour of men and women’s sexual interests or sexual intentions, but what has changed, in this age of new-found political correctness and hyper-politicism, is the notion that any form of telegraphing sexual interest by a man might well lead to a law suit, a damaged career and possibly even a ruined life. What seems to be the core question at this point in time is, “just how does a male go about showing sexual interest short of asking permission, which is considered by most young women to be tiresome and unexciting?” And if a male proffers an unwelcome advance and makes a sexual “Pass” at an acquaintance or co-worker, how does the female go about “dealing” with his advance, and at what point does the woman’s rebuff actually require litigation and the media to make her position clear?

YANG MAKES THE MOVE—YIN SAYS “YES”
OR SENDS HIM PACKING

Of course it goes without saying that any type of aggressive or insistent sexual overtones is totally unacceptable and any action that borders on assault must be punished. But there is a vast open field between the trenches in the battle of the sexes where normal, healthy sexual interest might be demonstrated and received with grace and in a spirit of fun by both sexes.

In looking at the questions asked earlier, two things must be considered in their historical context. Firstly, it is helpful to understand that males have traditionally been put in the position to be expected to express their masculine Yang nature by making the first physical move in the courtship of attraction. That is not to say that women have not initiated the male action of forward “movement” by means of the very Yin action of arranging what they have to offer and positioning themselves to be seen in an action known as “display”.  (For a free excerpt from “Nobody Wants to be the Girl Anymore” sign up for the email list). Today that Yin action would be defined as seduction or the encouragement of male attention by what the woman wears, says or how she positions her body. That, in itself, poses countless questions about what is appropriate, especially in the workplace.

The second thing to be considered in a historical context is that, up until the Twenty-first century, the differences between men and women’s Yin and Yang energies and the roles they were expected to play out in the “game” of sexual attraction were more clearly defined and savvy women, who “knew what men are,” were able to use the attentions and interest of men to get what they wanted without the aid of legislation or litigation. In fact, in previous centuries, it was a gauge of popularity for a young girl to boast about how many “passes” the boys had made “at” her during the course of a party or dance. The young man sliding his hand down her back into “no man’s land below the belt” was seen as merely playing the game of courtship and demonstrating his interest in cultivating her as a possible partner or even a wife.

In our American cultural media, at present, we are seeing countless cases where women are alleging inappropriate sexual attentions from male co-workers, and many celebrities and politicians. Sometimes these charges are made decades after the incident in question and it begs the question “why now?”

Some women answer the question by explaining that they were too frightened to mention an unwelcome hand on their back or on their thigh because they were concerned that their job might be jeopardized or that there might be some reprisal or violence. When I polled a number of female patients and asked “why now?”, many claimed that they had only come into their own power as women in recent decades, stated that they had no strong female role models before Gloria Steinem to show them how to deal with aggressive men, and, as a result, felt powerless toward men and even victimized.

WHY I OUGHTA KNOCK YOUR BLOCK OFF

We have always had and will continue to have victims in our society, both men and women. And for those people it might clearly be necessary to turn to litigation and the courts to fight for their rights or for protection.

But to those women who claim they had no strong female role models to show them how to deal with the unwelcome advances of the opposite sex, I suggest they look no further than films with incredibly strong women as protagonists that showed women as early as the 1920s and 30s how to ward off an unwanted “Pass” and put men in their place in no uncertain terms.

The Great Depression of the 1930s created circumstances that forged some very powerful women… tough, capable women whose lives and roles in society are faithfully reflected in the films of the time. These women are able to run businesses, survive the bread lines and manage to “make a dollar out of a dime”, all the while displaying a personal courage and vibrato, that presents itself as tough talk and a confident swagger that let men know that here is a girl who can take care of herself.

There is no better example than the 1933 black and white film Baby Face, starring a very blonde and strikingly pretty Barbara Stanwyck. The film was made before the strict sexual censorship of the Hayes Code went into effect and depicts the harsh life of the downtrodden millions who managed to scrape by during the depression.

In the film, a tired and defeated young woman, Lily Powers (Stanwyck), returns home, down-cast after beating the pavements and still not finding a job. She encounters an elderly friend, who comes from old-world Europe and has himself known oppression and want at the hands of a privileged few.

He reels at her powerless attitude to her lot in life and begins a dialogue that establishes the central theme of the film. Lily explains to the old man who the only jobs she is being offered require sexual favours in return.

She says: “The manager of the strip show offered me a job.
“Doing what?”
“You know showing my shape.”
“Well, that’s a business in itself.”
“Well then I guess I ain’t much of a business woman.”
The old man becomes indignant: “You are a coward. You let life defeat you. You don’t fight back.”
“What chance has a woman got?”
“More chance than a man. A woman, young and beautiful like you, can get anything she wants in the world because you have power over men. But you must use men. You must be the master and not a slave… All of life is nothing more than exploitation. Go to some big city where you will find opportunities and use men to get what you want.”
Lily sits back and takes a drag on a cigarette with a look of understanding in her eyes… “Yeah,” she says with a hint of a smile.

Since Stanwyck’s character is not only a looker but depression seasoned and tough as well, it is fun to watch as she moves up from rags to riches and masterfully handles the passes made by men. In one sequence when a creepy customer puts his hand on her leg, she pours steaming coffee onto it and says… “Oh excuse me, my hands shake so when I’m around you.”

There is a list of actresses from the time in roles portraying savvy women who are unwilling to be victimized by the unwelcome attentions of men. The list includes the hard-as-nails chlorines of the 1930s to the tough, wisecracking gals with a harsh patter and a heart of gold. Google any of the early films of Joan Blondell, Eve Arden, Ginger Rogers, Alice Faye, Mae West, Rosalind Russell or Betty Hutton (also written about in Nobody Wants To Be The Girl Anymore) and you’ll more than likely see any one of them in the role of a girl who “knows the score” and can take care of herself. The language or colloquial lingo used in films of the time, which actually made its way into the real world, contains a razor-sharp edge that, when delivered by one of these capable gals, makes it known to that two-bit Lothario who is all hands that she certainly means business and no means “no”.

It’s great fun to hear any of these fine actresses repel the advances of a trouser snake with lines like: “Say, whata ya tryin’ ta pull here?” “Lay off ya big lug.” “Why I oughta knock your block off”, and the graphic and winning… “Lay your paws on me one more time and I’ll beat you like the dog you are.”

If the guy is a real heel and refused to get the message of the lingo, the second line of defense is a sound slap across the face. It was known as “delivering the message by hand”.

I am certainly not condoning physical violence and don’t believe that anyone should strike anyone else unless in actual danger. But the idea of finding a way to handle an unpleasant situation in the moment by using language and strong actions is very self-empowering and certainly less damaging to an antagonist that may not really need to be personally destroyed for their infringement on your space.

It is refreshing to see the openness with which male/female sexuality is depicted in many older films, reflecting a society where women took strong roles in sexual relationships and did not need to rely on a social system that sets “politically correct” behavioural restrictions in place to protect them from men. A lot can be learned from those women of yesteryear who “knew what men want” and did not try to pretend that women and men have the same sexual needs or desires. Women of earlier generations perfectly understood the natural male sex drive that, according to the famous Kinsey Report on sexual mores in America, states that men think of sex every six minutes and are far less picky about the quality of their sexual partners. Or, as Comedian Joan Rivers more crudely put it: “you’re not so special… men will f * * k mud.”

It is certain that in spite of legislation and new social policies that are designed to give women more control over the protocol of sexual expression by men, most men will continue to have an “it’s worth a try” attitude toward sex and will “make the first move” in the time-honoured way, without permission.

Sex between men and women should be a win-win situation, and nobody on either side should be victimized, blackmailed, or abused. It is a game of give and take at its best or predator and prey at its worst. But it is a game that has been played since the year one and we must be careful not to trade the perceived domination of one sex by the other for a pendulum swing in the opposite direction.

We can learn a lot from strong, street-wise women in the films of the 30s and during the war years of the 40s. Women who grew out of the hard times of the Depression were expected to take care of themselves and the women of our mother’s and grandmother’s generations would be hard pressed to see themselves as sexual prey to powerful male predators, whether it was their husbands, employers or powerful politicians. When an unwelcome Pass was made at one of those feisty young women, they would have undoubtedly turned on the louse with a smirk worthy of Barbara Stanwyck or Betty Hutton and say…”Why I oughta knock your block off.”

To find out more about the relationship of Yin and Yang and how theses two energies play out in sexual roles of men and women, check out “Nobody Wants To Be The Girl Anymore.”